Lots of stuff happening but I seriously can't bring myself to write about anything. I will force random content upon this blog.


My brother and his best bud, Marco, where production designers for the Cinemalaya 2009 entry, "Ang Panggagahasa Kay Fe (The Rapture of Fe)." We attended the premiere last night and I found myself actually liking the movie. I usually feel that one has to go through a gamut of heavy-handed, irony and humor deficient films to find gems (like Maximo, Jay and Endo) in Cinemalaya. But Fe was good. More than trying to be socially relevant, political or, god forbid, art, Fe was just an story told well.

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Finally got my film back from my US trip. It gave me an attack of self-doubt. Seriously. I've been doing this for long and I should be better. I should be constantly good, scratch that, I should be great.

But I'm not and I'm working on it.

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I turned thirty some days ago. I was toying with the idea of writing a list of thirty things. Like things I want to do, or things I know, or things about myself. But, god, can you imagine what a pompous ass I'd be?

I do know that I want to do more things that mean a lot to me this year. I'm saying I'm committing time, the most precious thing I've got, to making things that mean a lot to me. Hopefully it will have value for others too.

Also, I'm the luckiest sonovabitch in the world. In the stare down between the abyss and me, I'm holding my own. And it's because I've managed, by some fucking miracle of life, by some mystery of the universe, to surround myself with the awesomest people on earth. Even my dad says so. After my dinner last Sunday, he texted saying that he had a good time, and that my friends were all good people (natch!). That he could imagine me growing old with them and that it all reflects on how I've lived my life.

I like how he didn't care if I made any money or not. In my dad's eyes, I'm big time because of my friendships. Gee, Pa, I am only my father's son.

Anyway, I spent three continuous days last weekend just enjoying my friends and family and it was the best three days in a very good year so far. A very good year in an incredible life. Thanks Universe.

Nguan's Coney Island

Found Nguan's work via Feature Shoot and I'm liking his Coney Island series a lot.

to scale

I have friends who've gotten married and moved to the 'burbs. Which, in my personal opinion, means that they've moved to anywhere past Magallanes. In the map, where they live, it would say, Here there be tollgates. But it's a nice place, the one they've got. A late century bungalow with a huge empty lot adjacent to it that also belongs them. Before they planted... crops in that empty lot, it was the scene of a fictional body dumping that the wife told to the husband over SMS to freak him out. You know, for kicks. Fun couple, these two.

Anyway, they've been nesting, doing a bit of organizing, changing the layout of their living room. I want to be in that stage in my life too. Where I have my own largeish space that I can fix up or organize. Actually, better yet, I want to literally build my own house. Well, maybe not literally. I mean, how does one mix and pour cement. But I want to be very involved in building my house.

I was thinking about that while sitting in Starbucks, reading a book (Cryptonomicon, still), waiting for my lunch companion to make it. I was thinking if I could actually learn woodworking, build my own crossbeams and pillars out of good wood, to make a nice, high ceiling. And I said to myself that, yes, yes I can!

Only to realize quickly that patience and precision aren't my strong suits, and I'd probably go nuts trying to cut lumber into equal pieces, and sanding them all. I think my experience with building scale models as a kid should serve as a reminder. I didn't apply glue in the right amounts, and I didn't want to wait for the paint to dry to apply the second coat. From opening the box to holding a 1:24 Nissan NSX in my hands, I wanted to spend only an hour making it, tops.

It was only natural that I always ended up with motley painted cars with doors that wouldn't open, planes with wings that fell off, and WWII battleships already in post-Pearl Harbor state. So I'm really reconsidering literally building my own house, but I still want to be at that stage in my life.

Remember that crazy MGMT video for Kids? The one with a freaked out kid surround by monsters that scare even me (easy task, actually)? The one I posted above? Anyway, one of my favorite blogs, We Love You So interviews the director Ray Tintori. I like director/photographer interviews, so enjoy it here.

Also, I haven't been writing much, I know. I've been thoroughly enjoying being home. I know I've only been away for some three weeks but it's like I've gone nutty. I drive myself and I look for things that have changed. A lot have apparently.

Yet in the face of little upheavals I am, surprisingly, optimistic. Weird, really. Maybe because despite everything else, it's good to be home and be among you all again.

I've been home for a couple of days now, feeling groggy in the afternoon and waking up at 4AM. I've been spending my period of self-quarantine doing stuff I shouldn't do. Like going to the mall and having my trousers altered. Or having lunch out with my dad and brother. I also had a pre-prod meeting for work that starts next week. And last night, my brother and I had friends over for beer and chips.

I have many pending tasks though. I have a pile of receipts to record. I also need to find a new accountant. I also have to renew my business license. I need to have checks picked up (a good thing). And I have a lot of film and images from the trip to process, archive and/or send out. I also have to deal with the backlogged task of sending my short film out. Not to mention a pile of unread books to go through in the spare time.

I might also need a haircut. But anyway all these are jarring and comforting reminders that I am, indeed, home.